MAKES ME NERVOUS

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

TOUGH GETTING OLD

AARP QUIZ

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

           A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

           A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?

           A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?

           A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

           A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

           A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out. It works for men as they age so it can work for women.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

           A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

           A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

           A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

           A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

           A: "Gosh, I remember these!"